Thursday, November 19, 2009

Letting Beau go...

I wish I had better news. I wish my prayers had been answered. I wish Beau was continuing to get better. I wish he wasn't in pain. I wish...

If wishes were nickels, I'd be a rich woman.

Tomorrow we are letting Beau go. We are going to ease his pain.

Last Saturday, after his trimming, he was so much better. By Sunday evening, he was hobbling worse than he had been before he was trimmed. By Monday, he could barely walk. He has gotten progressively worse over the week. By this morning, he had to work hard to get over the 3/4 inch mat in his stall to get to his feed.

I'm sorry, I can't watch him suffer like this. His pain is obvious. Double doses of B-L Solution did not give him relief. Double doses of bute did nothing to ease his pain. I can't see him like this. This isn't living. This is barely existing.

If Beau was showing improvement, I'd wait him out. I'd get the vet over here every day to ease his pain enough for his hoof to grow out. But he is getting worse.

Being so close to him, I've held on, looking for ANY little thing to give myself justification to keep him alive. I've been thinking "Maybe if we try this. Maybe if we try that."

But Beau is not an experiment. He is a living, breathing creature that is existing in pain with no relief. It's not fair to Beau. I've always promised myself that if I couldn't do what needed to be done when the time came, I would give up my animals. I'm not ready to do that.

To all of you who have followed Beau's progress, sent money and gifts to make him more comfortable, sent words of encouragement and hope, I thank you. Even as I type them, the words don't seem like they're enough.

Tomorrow morning, Mike will get up at 3:00am and give him a double dose of bute. When I get up, I'll give a double dose of B-L Solution. Then I'll give him a double dose of apples and his very own bag of baby carrots.

I'll give him one more pat. One more stroke on the soft, warm fur under his mane. One more hug. One more kiss on his sweet little nose. One more act of love. And I'll walk away with one more patch on my heart.

Beau, I have been blessed by having you here to spoil and care for. As you cross the Rainbow Bridge to race the wind and jump the clouds, as you run carefree through green, lush pastures and splash across sparkling streams, stop for a moment and look over your shoulder, and know, for these very short past weeks, you were loved.

17 comments:

Nikker said...

M-Kitty and I are soo sorry. This has been a rough year for you...You are doing the right thing for the old fellow. All of you will be in my thoughts tomorrow...

Jess said...

My heart sank when I read the title. I am so sorry. At least Beau got the love and care he's always deserved in his last few weeks.

Cheval Noire said...

I'm sitting here at work with huge tears welled up in my eyes. I can't believe it but you're are doing the right thing.

He's such a darling and for that reason deserves what's best; even though it will be such a hard thing to do.

God bless you Beau and god bless you Karen for giving him the best possible shot. It was just not meant to be.

Run free ol' boy, be free ol' boy
Take the wind and run with thee
Run free ol' boy, be free ol' boy
Forever in our hearts you'll be

Natalie said...

So sorry to hear about Beau. I have enjoyed reading about him. May he canter pain-free across the rainbrow bridge. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Morgan said...

I may not have posted but I have certainly followed your progress with Beau.

I will be thinking of you all tomorrow and sending my well-wishes with Beau on his next journey in life.

Give him a big hug from all of us out here in the 'net because he deserves it.

Anonymous said...

I got such a lump in my throat hearing the news of our cute boy Beau....I know how awful it is to let one of my furry friends go...but I believe as humans it.s the last kind act we can give them...after all this is what it was all about...kindness....he is fat & full & warm on his last nite & day...thats sooo much more than he would have been left in a field alone before you found him.....we will all see our friends again on the other side of the rainbow bridge someday if we are very lucky....Good by dear friend Beau Thank you Karen for all you.ve done for him...

Katharine Swan said...

It sounds like whatever was done at the trimming intensified his pain. I'm so sorry. But at the very least, you know that he will die happy, loved, and with a full belly, rather than starving to death in someone's yard. You knew when you took him on that Beau was not going to live forever. But you taking a chance on him made all the difference in how he is leaving this world.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about Beau. Losing an animal, especially one as close to your heart as Beau, is like losing a family member. Just remember that he will be in a much happier, pain free, place tomorrow and would thank you if he could talk.
Thank you for sharing your journey with Beau with us. It was evident throughout the time you had him that you loved him a lot. Give him a big hug and kiss for us tomorrow.

Anonymous said...

((((((Karen)))))) Giants hugs!!!

Bravo to you Karen for being brave enough to make the tough call.

You did give him a chance when no one else did. You gave him final comforts in last days that most horses do not get. You did your best for him!!!

Tears as I write but I know you, Karen, made the right choice for Beau.
You gave him LOVE!!!

Hugs and shared tears,
karen park, Lk Wales, FL

Sabrina said...

((HUGS!!)) I'm so sorry!! *wipes tears* You're such a wonderful person for having given him the love and care he lacked for so long. We know you did your absolute best to help him...and are making one heck of a tough decision! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for letting him know that before he passed that he was loved and that there are caring people in the world!! Rest in peace sweet Beau! We all love you!! *wipes tears*

Drillrider said...

I was sooooo hoping for other news and that his feet would recover. Sometimes letting them go is "kindest" thing you can do, even though it breaks your heart in half!! HUGS!

Erin said...

You are doing the right thing. Death is not the enemy. Suffering is. Freeing him from his torturer is the greatest gift you can give.

fuglyhorseoftheday said...

He got such a nice few last months at your house and looked SO wonderful. You gave him the nicest gift anyone could give an old boy like Beau. Sometimes that is all you can do for them. You can't always reverse the years of poor care but you can make sure they are happy, healthy and loved for a while. I'm sorry you are losing him but I am glad he landed with you instead of all the bad places he might have gone!

Karen V said...

Thank you all so mUch! I'll share the last smile i had with Beau this morning... His last meal was apples and carrots. He has this big blob of bright orange frothy slobber hanging from his lips. He looked and me, ears perked, and if could have grinned, he would have! It was SO cute! I hope all will continue to check on my mob and the happenings around here. As you know, an empty stall creates a vacuum so I'm sure there'll be another project showing up before too long. (I'm such a sucker for horses in need!)

Sally said...

What an unselfish act of kindness. Beau's life has been enriched by your thoughtfulness and giving.

luvredponies said...

I've also been following Beaus' progress from the beginning and looked forward to every post. What a hard decision to make, and I am sure it was not made in vain. I will miss the updates and the antics, but will check back often in anticipation of the next needy soul who finds peace in your barn. Rest in Peace old man.

dressagepony said...

Oh no! I just saw this. I'm so sorry, as I sit here crying. You did a great job with him, and I know he knew he was loved. In fact, he probably already thought he had died and gone to heaven. At least the transition was surely easy.